i’m a mess.
but that’s understandable.
after all, my whole fucking family is in shambles.
i’ve decided this tumblr is going to be dedicated to you, darling.
i spend new year’s eve with you yesterday. it was lovely.
we kissed exactly at midnight-the first minute of 2012.
“kiss the person that means the most to you at midnight on New Year’s.”
i’m so glad we did. you know i’m so superstitious. but 2012 will be a good year. just because of that kiss.
but enough of the mushy things. this is supposed to be like a diary, with me recording all the small and big things.
so yesterday, we accomplished one thing on our bucket list…public sex. hmm. probably a little uncomfortable for you, but i had a wonderful time…hehe. that’s one of my favorite things about you. how risque you are. as much as i try or pretend like i’m a nun, i’m a kinky bitch. i like how we fit quite nicely. but fuck, we lost your necklace. son of a bitch. let’s go back there sometime and find it. and maybe cuddle. but nothing more, i don’t want to get our asses sent to jail over a little pda.
oh but public fucking feels so good and naughty.
but also (what’s more important) is that you gave me your phone yesterday. memories. so sweet of you to do that. at the same time…terribly obsessing over your texts with amy. i know i told you that i didn’t go too far back because i was lazy, but that was a semi lie. i got pretty damn far. and it makes me nervous. and jealous…so jealous. it’s silly though, it’s in the past. but it makes me insecure. paranoid. that you found her more attractive, that you liked how she acted more, even random things like she was probably better in bed than me.
that is something i think and worry about a lot… i don’t want to be another amy. i want us to be special. and different. and it makes my insides all bitter and jealous when i think about how i’m not your first. your first love, your first girlfriend, your first…yeah.
today, we had a mw3/study date. it was fun. :) up until we had a little bit of error and stained the couch. and then your daddy found it. silly us…but no arguments today. only sweet words, sweet cuddles, sweet shower times that involved a lot of “oh fuck-yes i need it-i’m going to” and other sweet things.
i’m so silly.
i miss you darling. so much. these next two weeks are going to be a stretch. the stretch.